reflections from the week that was...

i wrote this for my daughter over a year ago... perhaps it was almost two years ago even. i can't quite recall, but i do know that while it may not be the best writing, it was an honest result from an assignment when we both wrote something for each other:

curly hair that bounces when she moves,

long, strong legs that don’t get stuck in grooves.

for she is too quiet and shy, too reserved to make a scene,

no rock band, no dancing, nothing where someone might be mean.

an incredibly bright mind that loves puzzles and books,

she used to be confident and not care about looks.

but now she is growing up, so fast and so tall,

and I’m not sure if she knows where she fits in at all.

she is so dang clever, and thinks quick on her feet,

her motives are not always good, and sometimes she cheats.

her stubborn streak runs deep; it is hard as a rock,

it makes it hard for her to give in, and hard for her to talk.

her potential is huge, with so much she can do,

no matter what’s happened, it’s not too late to start new.

she possesses the power to shape her own life,

making it honest and loving, void of anger and strife.

she has a heart full of love that is strong and sincere,

and a loyalty that could make even the toughest men fear.

i wish she could see the beauty in her eyes,

and know the heartache we feel when she cries.

her laughter is infectious and her hugs are so warm,

she is my daughter, through sunshine and storms.

i named my girl kiya, and dressed her in pink,

i will love her forever, even when she causes a stink.

sometimes my husband and i stay up late talking for hours. sometimes we find out new things about each other, sometimes we laugh or cry when thinking about life's ups and downs. recently we spent some time talking about our daughter and how far she's come, especially in the past year. sometimes our daughter has seemed a mystery, and try as we might, we don't always understand her motivations. we learned some new things about her, some things that she kept secret, and it was as if a broad light shone from up above and things were beginning to come into focus. we could make out shapes where once there were none, and rather abruptly everything was clear.

she's always been a talker, but lately she's been talking more about her feelings and thoughts and views of the world. she's always struggled with her add and anxiety, but lately she's asked for help in figuring out how to cope with the things that throw her for a loop, and she remembers our talks and tries out our suggestions; some of them even work! she used to be timid and avoid new things at all costs. now she's putting herself out there, even if it is a bit scary. she's finding her voice and building her confidence with all of the new things she is finally trying. she's been singing and dancing again, something we've missed. i think she's finally finding her place in the world and carving out room to grow.

part of it is time; time does heal wounds. part of it is persistence in our efforts to guide her and teach her, while accepting her and loving her no matter what life brings her way (and our way). part of it is hard work on her part... true effort to want to find her way through life. part of it is this mysterious and all encompassing bond that all mothers and daughters share... it perseveres even when we're exhausted and feel like we've tried everything and nothing is getting through (the big secret here is that it is getting through, we just don't see it yet). and part of it is this amazing man i married that loves our daughter to the moon and back.

i read a quote by sigmund freud that goes like this: "I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection." those words in particular speak to my heart because i never had that myself, and no one has provided a father's protection for my children until i met this amazing man. and so really, aren't we all the lucky ones in this life.