fire safety...

i've always been worried about fires, ever since i was 8 or 9 and i remember one of my older brothers nearly burning the house down. ok, maybe he didn't "nearly" burn the house down, but he carried newspaper lit on fire from the wood stove across the room, dropped it on the wood floor when it got too hot and had to put out a fire on the floor. it scared me immensely and as an adult, i've seen and heard too many fire stories that end in tragedy. indeed i have a strong appreciation for the wild out of control beast that fire most often resembles.

when i was a single parent, i talked to k&k about fire safety often. and i kept them in the same room until i was certain they could each get out of the house, alone if necessary, in the event of a fire. i remember feeling so proud when khalid at six years old, offered up this conversation starter at a get together with friends: "do you know how to get out of your house in case of a fire? i sure do. my mom said just kick out the window screen, because she doesn't even care about a dumb screen as much as she cares about me. so i kick it out, climb onto the roof and lower myself down onto the car. my mom isn't worried about her car either. and then i have to run to our neighbor's house and stay there. never go back into your house once you're out. do you know all that?!" indeed, i had taught this child well. 

fast forward 8 years to the present and i can tell you without a doubt that i still believe k&k could get themselves safely out of the house in case of an emergency, however when i think about my six year old, cayden, i know that he is not prepared. he isn't nearly as confident and capable as his big brother was at six. insert fear into the equation. i am not one to be crippled into non-action by fear... quite the opposite actually. and as i sat down at my desk to develop fire escape plans, i certainly thought little about the time it would take to develop a well laid out plan. the result is that i did spend quite a few hours drawing a realistic interpretation of our floor plans and escape routes, but i am happy to say that the fire escape plans are finally done, printed out (with additional instructions as necessary) and will be posted in all bedrooms as well as the garage and kitchen.

i know, i know... i have already been teased by a friend about the sinks and stove, but alas, i was determined to provide a realistic visual to my children that respond most favorably to visual information. this is really key i think... know your children and their learning styles, and plan accordingly. this is true for any subject, but i feel it is imperative for fire safety and planning.

our next steps were, almost embarrassingly i admit, to take out the fire ladder we had stored in cay's room, prep it, and hang it close to his window so it is ready to go. why was it sitting in a box in his closet? what good does it do there? questions i ask myself as i feel incredibly lucky the ladder has not yet been needed. thank you, dear sweet husband for prepping the ladder! also, thank you to that same dear sweet husband for investigating our garage door emergency release, testing it, showing me how to do it, and making plans to show the kids and have them try it as well.

in addition to those steps, we then took out our child smoke alarms that again were sitting unused in a cabinet (oh the agony that good intentions never followed through on can elicit) and figured out how to record individualized messages to our children, based on the fact that 19 out of 20 children will *NOT* wake up to standard smoke alarms, no matter how loud. i first read that statistic years ago and cringed at the thought. these smoke alarms were purchases as a result of this and other research on the difficulty of waking children up via smoke alarms. these smoke alarms are fairly expensive compared to a standard smoke alarm, but definitely worth the money. they will even tell you "not loud enough; re-record".

fire escape plans completed and posted, fire escape ladder prepped, within sight and ready to go if necessary, additional child smoke alarms recorded and installed... all that is left is to have the kids practice the routes, practice opening the garage door with emergency release, and then some surprise tests. i highly recommend getting your family's fire escape plan ready and posted if not done already. if you do have your plan done and ready and your family is prepared, i give you a virtual high five!

warm wishes for "M" today...

we received "M"'s info in the mail today, along with photos of this handsome boy! he is in the 3rd grade and he is doing great in math... a kid after my own heart of course! funny how life works out like that. i'm pretty excited because we can send letters and small packages. i think it will be great for the kids to write to "M" and i look forward to sending those through the holt office. hoping "M" has a wonderful day today!

la la how the life goes on...

well, my fingerprints and background check from dhs must have come in because we got a notice in the mail to go ahead and pay for our home study... hurray! of course it arrived too late to head to the bank and mail, but first thing tuesday morning we'll be getting that out!

we had a less than stellar experience with bank of america earlier in the week trying to get a confirmation letter that i had been a customer in good standing for however long. it was amazing how arrogant and ridiculous the people working there were. it was almost unbelievable how unwilling they were to even listen to us or offer alternate suggestions, but what really did us in was the attitude... we ended up leaving commenting on their lack of customer service and thanking them for absolutely nothing. insanely, they kept telling us what a huge bank they were and touting that statement like it was something wonderful to behold, and yet all we wanted was for someone to listen to us and tell us what they could do. we obviously are not the first people to adopt internationally and need the information we requested. i was able to get some great feedback and support from friends and my yahoo group, both of which helped a lot. if you're one of the people that listened to my rant, thank you!

our little bug ended up with pneumonia this week. it is truly horrible. i'm so so glad that we caught it early enough to treat it with antibiotics and no hospital stay was required. on the down side, he's got to take antibiotics twice a day for 10 days. i wish there was a shot he could get instead. his sensory issues make it such a difficult task for him to take the liquid. the main problem is that it triggers his gag reflex and he doesn't want to "jerk" (dry heave ready to throw up... he calls it "doing the jerk"). we've got him drinking lots of water and gatorade and sleeping on a small ramp to elevate him, plus the vaporizer at night. his energy level is back to normal and he's been eating so much better today, though his cough still sounds horrible.

after all of our summer/fall projects around the house (pavers, cay's room, completing nursery, tons of painting due to contractor mess) we figured we were mostly done with house projects, and of course danny made me promise not to touch our bathroom for at least 6 months... or was it a year? i don't recall. however, we do need to touch up our fence... not completely re-do, just touch up. we're adding more boards for privacy, plus hopefully it will alleviate some of the dog's stress from skateboarders with sticks. hmm... we'll see. we still have to do the steps with pavers once the weather gets nicer, and cement in that corner of the street where mud and leaves meet to form a special gunk that is hard to get rid of. personally i figure since adoption lends itself to so much waiting, we may as well get these things out of the way while we wait. once we have piper home we won't want to do any house projects!

we watched the ethiopia portion of "africa" with khalid and it was really good. i'm excited to see the rest of the discs, but i'm glad we started with ethiopia. it was very interesting, and quite touching. i feel a longing in my heart already, and it grows as i learn more about the country and culture.

taxes will be done next week and ready to finalize, thank goodness... one less thing to think about!

*good morning "M"! we should be getting your picture in the mail along with some more information about you and your family. i hope you have a great day today... we love you*

PS: just got this amazing book this week... gorgeous photos and great info in a kid friendly format! we highly recommend this:

my teens talk about being bi-racial in america...

so i mentioned the fact that we finished our PIP classes, which is a big step towards moving forward on the next steps. what i haven't mentioned yet is how much i learned in those classes and how they affected me greatly. we talked a lot about transcultural adoption, bonding and attachment, losses and gains, the seven core issues of adoption, stereotypes, adjustment, parenting skills and resources, among other things. all of the information presented was done in a way that facilitated great conversations. we had activities that were thought provoking and meaningful discussions where we were able to share and learn together. one of the most striking moments in class was when we watched a video of adults who were adopted into a family of a different race. these adults were able to reflect back on all the changes, the experience they had and offer their thoughts and insight as to how they felt growing up in a family that was a different race than they were.

everyone is different; their personalities, their ability to adapt, their desire for change, etc. i understand this, and i do think it is important to keep this in mind when having discussions surrounding adoption, race, and well, anything really. as i sat through these classes, i felt a growing desire to run home and talk to my oldest two children who are bi-racial, half caucasian and half african-american. granted, my two teens are not adopted, they are my biological children, and so the feelings and experiences will be different. but as i sat in class talking about all of the resources available to families to preserve culture and heritage for their adopted children, the one thing that stood out in my mind was that there aren't a lot of resources for someone raising bi-racial children who haven't been adopted. maybe there really are, and it isn't as obvious to me because no one is presenting me with the information, but rather i need to go in search of it. this could very well be true. maybe that is how it goes because they (the infamous "they") assume that bringing children in to the world, those children will have the benefit of both parents and history and access to people and resources. oh how i wish that was true. what that thinking doesn't account for is that sometimes life doesn't work out how you imagined it would. sometimes you're engaged to be married, have a baby and pregnant with another, thinking life is ready to take off, but instead what happens is that the rug is pulled out from underneath you. and suddenly instead of planning a life together, you're making plans to be a single parent to two children alone without the benefit of a father who could provide insight into african-american culture and experience first hand. 

my favorite saying is "life happens". and so you go on the best you can and you make a new life that's different than what you imagined. and soon enough with two little ones, there is a lot of laughter. there are trips to the park and cuddles and story time. there are colors and shapes and learning as you feed the ducks and spread a picnic lunch out at the zoo. the best learning often happens while enjoying life... i have found this to be true time and time again. and of course there are scrapes and bumps along the way, there always are. but you move on. you live life and you do your best to raise happy, healthy, safe, loving children with morals and values that will benefit not only them, but the world... certainly everyone they come in contact with, possibly some they never even meet. you share your favorite books and poems, introducing your children to your favorite authors: neil gaiman, maya angelou, langston hughes, david sedaris... inviting questions and sharing all that you know and rejoicing when they teach you the new facts that you didn't know. you tell your children how beautiful they are, and remark at how many different colors we have in our family and how each one compliments the others. you learn how to braid and bead hair, you teach them how to create the "look" they want, knowing that you're teaching them not only a skill, but acceptance and patience (hair takes time to style of course!) you spend vacations outdoors, fostering a love of nature and freedom. you tell your children about your childhood mistakes in the hopes that they really will believe you when you say you understand. 

and then you sit in a class and wonder if you've given your children access to enough culture. do they feel slighted? do they feel angry? are they confused? are they already teenagers and somehow in the enjoyment and bustle of life, have you seriously blown it? these thoughts raced through my head, and on a whim the other night i brought out the video camera and asked the teens what they thought about life, specifically their life and being bi-racial in america.

and then they told me. there was no plan, as they had no idea i'd be asking. we hadn't discussed it previously and there wasn't time to prepare for the camera. and i was struck by how mature they sound for 13 and 14 years old. i was struck by their similarities though they'd be the first to say they are *nothing* alike. i was struck by their openness and honestly, something i've always enjoyed with them and possibly taken for granted. i was struck by their confidence, and their capacity for love. i felt my heart dance with joy. i've always been thankful for my children, each of them individually, but i also see how much love they have for each other. i see that they are a resource for each other, and i'm confident that when piper comes along we'll all make room and hold each other close. life happens.

another step...

today has been another great day. we finished our pip classes, modules 1-4 yesterday and today... 8 hours of classes down, which is called seriously awesome. we got a certificate and everything, which is nice because i wasn't actually aware that we got one of those. these classes were really great... lots of thought provoking activities and good conversations. we had a nice small group, just four couples, and we were able to have great discussions. the teacher was knowledgeable and i found her words to be quite comforting regarding the entire process. we also got to meet an adult adoptee from korea and hear her story and ask her questions. what an amazing opportunity that was, and i am so thankful for the experience. besides the very practical usefulness of the class, it was also a required step before we start our home study, hence another step completed and the growing excitement of getting that phone call from our social worker... can't wait!

after class i was able to get a hair cut... something i actually dread but it was so necessary since my hair is in that nice awkward stage where it wants to come down and triangle out like a mushroom. i think i was beginning to bear a strong resemblance to toad in mario bros... not exactly the look i was going for. danny and i came home, ate some lunch and enjoyed some time to reconnect and rest before heading out for a delicious dinner with oli and devon at queen of sheba. did i mention delicious? i have a ton of ethiopian recipes that i am excited to try out... so the next ethiopian meal will be in our kitchen with friends who can critique and let me know how well the recipes turn out. i've got time to practice, as long as i've got willing taste testers!

also, let me just say the coffee pleased me greatly:

all in all, i'm feeling like a lot was accomplished. i'm also getting all sorts of wonderful news from the group... families traveling to pick up their sweet children, referrals coming in, donations coming in, and support is strong and positive. thinking of "M" and hoping he has a wonderful day today!

thankful...

tonight i'm feeling particularly thankful. sometimes when things can be overwhelming for me, it's like someone knows and the planets align and the moon casts a hazy glow and all is right in my world (i'm not naive enough to say "the world") simply because it is needed. so here's my "happy right now because..." list, in no particular order:

• i feel like i've gained wonderful family through the online adoption group i joined... everyone is very supportive and full of great information. 
• work was productive for me today and i feel like i accomplished a lot. 
• danny was able to pick up some of the materials we requested from the library so we can start on those this weekend. 
• the kids were in great moods and extremely talkative tonight... i was able to have really good discussions with the teens, and i shared some action packed adventures with mr. bad guy spoon and poor sweet piglet, had the most engaging junie b jones reading time, and enjoyed quiet cuddles with the youngest.
• danny made good on his promise to make me work out tonight, even when i didn't want to (side note, he always makes good on his promises... one of the reasons i love him dearly).
• danny's dhs background check came back approved.
• we take our PIP class tomorrow and saturday.
• i logged 1.5 hours of volunteer time for special olympics... always feels good!
• we have peanut butter m&ms... i know, i know, they are slightly evil and very sabotaging of the nightly work outs, but i love those guys anyway.
• the weekend is nearly here and we're hoping to catch up with oli and alex, and enjoy some delicious ethiopian food!

i had planned a really well thought out spewing of brain and emotion, but i'm tired and heading to bed instead... perhaps this weekend i can take some time to write.

as i look around the house and smile at the family memories made tonight, i have a special wish that "M" is safe and happy.

and i'll leave you with a bug and his bears... finn and fluffy:

small steps... hope with a bit of frustration and worry

so much, and yet not much at all in the scheme of life. funny how adoption does that to you. i was just reading a post by a fellow blogger i love, though i have not met her. she was talking about having such strong emotions. great hope with each small step, great pain with each set back. it is so true. we found out today that our fbi background checks came back clear and approved, so one step forward and my heart surges with excitement. and then we find out that my fingerprints were sent back by dhs because they were "too dark". which of course means re-doing the fingerprints for them again. blargh. good news: the do-over is free, the washington county sheriff's office is oh so close to work, and mailing holt only takes one day since they have an office in portland. bad news: the anxiety and stress of having to make yet another trip for fingerprinting and knowing that even a week's delay hurts my heart*... hence the frustration.
*disclaimer: i'm going to allow myself to have my heart hurt. we're going to be adding another person to our family, i think i'm entitled to the entire range of emotions i currently possess (and oh yes, i have a lot of them)... no matter if they make sense to anyone else or not. 

i keep reminding myself that our class is this friday and saturday. big step forward because that means we can then start our home study. holt did tell us that if we go get my fingerprints redone and mail them in, the dhs review only takes a week so we should be getting a case worker assigned within a week of completing our class. ok, yes i was prepared to be speedy with the updated set of fingerprints and this of course seals the deal with yet another super strong wave of emotion and a great deal of determination mixed in... hence the hope.

so because i want to end on a positive note, i'll throw in the worry first. so much in the ethiopian adoption process seems to be changing. of course it is for the benefit of the children and i absolutely support the positive changes taking place, especially since the end goal is really to make sure all adoptions are conducted ethically and without fraud. on the flip side, so much seems unknown and there hasn't been any information on how this changes the landscape of adoptions from ethiopia, timelines or anything. i know we have time to see how things work out, and i am doing my best to keep faith in the process. i know we chose holt because they are ethical and do amazing work in the countries they serve. i have to hang on to this when things seem uncertain.

and as promised, i'm going to end with positive news. sometimes i hang out on the holt ethiopian families in process site late at night, checking everything out. because i struggle with inaction, i started looking for various ways to support all the children in ethiopia who have so little food, clothing, and supplies; they need and deserve so much more. i found myself poring over the children needing sponsorship, and feeling like i wanted to sponsor them all. i was happy to read about the children who did have families and were living with their families, but the sadness of no income, limited food and no means to attend school was devastating. more than the few words printed, their eyes told personal stories of struggle and hope. i told danny that i really wanted us to sponsor a child. even though we can't sponsor them all like we'd like to, sponsoring one child feels good and right. danny and i decided we will sponsor a child, lovingly referred to as "M" for privacy, and it fills my heart with warmth and hope. and even though it is just a small step towards financial stability for "M" and his family, i do believe that small steps over time can carry us so far. and this is the thought i will carry with me tonight... our commitment to "M" and his family.

free is a very good price...

in my quest to find things to do to pass the ever so long time stretched far ahead of me, i went ahead and checked our library for some of the materials suggested to me. i am very excited that our library has a copy of the national geographic series "africa" and it is currently on hold for me. also on hold for me is a copy of "are those kids yours?: american families with children adopted from other countries" which looks like it may be interesting for sure. i'm going to pick them up this week so danny and i can get started.

also i feel like i should point out that it isn't like i have a ton of free time. but when it comes to the excitement of adoption, it is so huge in my heart that i am unsatisfied with "just living" if that makes sense. i want to prepare for our future baby, take steps to learn everything we can so we can incorporate ethiopian foods and traditions into our current family now. all of the kids are very excited to learn as well and it feels really good to include everyone as we go.

kiya and i had a ton of fun today... my latest project is a homemade stencil! masking tape style, so free to me since we had it on hand... i'll post a pic of the final project once completed, but for now, here's a peak at the stencil:

we start our parents in process class this friday, with the second class on saturday. those classes cover modules 1-4 which puts us another step closer in the process. we hope to start our home study this month... still waiting on fingerprinting to come in - so aggravating that things take forever!

sweet thing cayden keeps telling us: "i think i will love piper!" 6 years old is such a fun age.

patience... what's that?

i hate waiting. i am not a patient person. numerous life experiences have tried with all their might to force some type of patience upon me, however it is never a lesson that seems to stick. here we are, by all accounts at the beginning of our journey, and already i feel a sense of loss that we didn't start sooner. of course this is silly because we had to finish our last "what if" IVF transfer, and there really was no way of knowing how that would turn out, other than instinct and gut feelings that can always be wrong. balanced with this feeling is the flip side. the knowledge that we will find our child. the one we are meant to be with. the one that needs us most. the missing piece in our hearts. i do have faith that when we meet our sweet child we will know that the timing, whatever it may be, is indeed perfect.

in the mean time, i joined the holt ethiopian adoption yahoo group and i am focusing on learning as much as i can and providing positive support to others as they go through the same steps that i will one day be going through. i have some great suggestions from the group on reading and viewing, which i will be checking out very soon. here's the list if you're interested (hint hint family):

Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese is a great work of fiction based in Addis Ababa. I would recommend reading it before your first trip or really whenever. It makes you feel connected to the city somehow...

http://www.amazon.com/Cutting-Stone-novel-Abraham-Verghese/dp/0375414495
 

The Story Teller's Beads by Jane Kurtz is a what you might call young adult fiction but I found it fun, and educational to read.
http://www2.scholastic.com/browse/collateral.jsp?id=728_type=Book_typeId=2321
 
The National Geographic 7 episode series called Africa. The one in the series titled Mountains of Faith is specifically about Ethiopia, I recommend watching the whole series though because it is AWESOME and can be viewed from Netflix:watch instantly!
 
Amharic for Adoptive families by Amy Kendall is fun especially if you have kids at home or are adopting a toddler or older. It comes with a CD of voices clearly stating simple commands in Amharic and english. My 5 year old daughter gets a kick out of it.

http://www.amazon.com/Simple-Amharic-Adoptive-Families-Audio/dp/0979681340

ze blogging... it has begun

so i've been reading all these amazing blogs about families adopting from ethiopia and it has been a comfort to read their words, so i figured i'd give it a go myself. we are very excited to start on our adoption journey after a very long year and a half of IVF treatments, procedures and transfers. we were unsuccessful with IVF and though we've grieved and held each other tight, it is true that time slowly heals all wounds. we have three great kids, and i've always imagined having five kids, so here we are... ready to jump into the chaos and unknowns and lengthy yet totally worth it world of adoption. 

we chose the name piper because it works for a boy or a girl. it's different than the original names we planned on during our IVF rounds... a new dream deserves thoughtful consideration and a fresh start. it's strong and unique, and it works with any middle name we can imagine, which is important because we plan on using our child's ethiopian birth given name as a middle name. 

here's what i think of when i think of my piper: